6:03 AM ; Monday, May 28, 2007
ok i think i would just make this post a short one. I FEEL HONSETLY LOUSY IN MY SAXOPHONE PLAYING. like at home, i squeaked and went out of tune no matter how much that reed of mine was adjusted. i sounded airy and salivary. it was an AWFUL tone.and this may sound funny, but i don't want the holidays to end. ok, not holidays. the not going to school period of time. as in i have absolutely no interest in facing the teachers. no, its not that i don't like them. i just cannot pay attention. my mind wanders to plots of scandal and emotion laced fancifully with fantasies of magic before i realise i am actually dreaming. no, seriously. during encounter i found myself sleeping while standing to pray. you can imagine. i also slept through half of the sermon later. naturally, i mentally wounded myself very badly for all of that. I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO. i actually am becoming very scared of myself now. oops, that came out a bit too random. but please bear with me. as in, i am changing so fast my brain is still digesting the fact i don't have a best friend after half a year. you'll see why:1. the past brenda will NEVER starve herself for recess and breakfast and feel full after some
terrible growls from the Big Flabby Disgrace Of Brenda(nicknamed tofu, the stomach)
2. the past brenda will never take up the job of a leader even if it meant giving the offer of fresh, tender steaming and rich tutu.
3. the past brenda never liked the pussy cat dolls. or listening to hip hop for that matter. relax, i still listen to my usual mix of oldies, broadway and asian music. OH, AND DISNEY TOO.
4. the past brenda will not be lazy at home.at least i tried. look what im doing now. but oh well, im waiting for mother reporting from europe to come online all the same.
5. the past brenda was not as horrible as i am now. not that i can help it that much. there's a limit to my paitence and endurance too. but i would have slapped myself if 2006 brenda meets 2007 brenda.
6. the past brenda never swore this much. now everything to me is 'damn' or 'shit'.
7. the past brenda will ALWAYS fall for those love ballads.you know, dance in the moonlight with me senorita, blah. (i actually like the song senorita) now i fall for those songs about stars and past memories. the ending theme of naruto shippuden is the best. oh, and put your head on my shoulder is comical to me. thanks to the sexy(saxy) seniors.
8.the past brenda never blogs often. lets see what's happening now.
9.the past brenda never criticised so much publicy. to jolene *boobylene!, however, is a different matter.
10. the past brenda never cared what she threw on to cover herself. now i take much care.oh what a bimbo i am.
p.s any more discovered differences you can report to me. applies to only those who knew me before janurary 15 2007.
6:13 AM ; Wednesday, May 23, 2007
oh goodness. i want schoolto end her life right now. and there isn't a hint of humour in that sentence, thanks for wondering nevertheless. i have got so many stupid projects to do, and i have to lug my 5 kg instrument with my at least 3 kg bag home tommorrow,something i am more than obviously absolutely unwilling to do.and what is up with all the damned lessons in school? they simply sweep past me, not even entering-not to mention registering in my mind. especially maths. i cannot comprehend a single wor mdm lim mutters or mubles for that matter. her pace is so inconsistenet that instead of guiding us to the correct formula she throws us off the train. no, i don't actually hate her. i just cannot help but feel everything is so mixed up.
i never bother if i end up sleeping at 1 am now. i cannot really be irked by how much work i have left to do no matter how i mentally abuse myself for that. if work remains blank and empty, i mentally smile and shrug, saying it would get done one day regardless. the fact i am writing this post instead of completing my maths corrections (which many people copy instead, but i kicked off that habit thanks to tan huiqi jolene) is the most excellent and valid proof of so. school whispers into my revolving life, disappearing once uttered and what remains are none of memories but the same girl, back to square one, all lost since the month of janurary.
i can picture myself lying on the grass, with its minute blades nudging against the surface of my skin and my hair all over the ground, spread out as it relaxes. my legs recieving a slight embrace from my hands that pull themcloser to my body, my eyes focused on the stars that twinkle akin to electrical lights.the night's winds, stronger than a breeze, blow awayall the things in life
that used to and are supposed to bother me. right now all i can do is to wait for this awful period of life to pass, before a settled, dilligent life comes knocking at the door.
all i desire is a break. is the requirements of that so difficult to meet?
4:42 AM ; Tuesday, May 15, 2007
i'm posting!! haha! finally, right? anyway today we had band and we watched this video on japan bands. it was super cool! tran and i were on highXD. and then we were watching this school perform. since all the players seemed to be girls, someone was like'oh, girl's school' and then a few momentes later i babbled 'ooh! got man' and then everyone laughed their butts off. good thing mr ong or the leaders were around . heheh. even better was that we got to watch mircale worker during geog today. ann and i were like'goodness. she's so violent' but that girl actress one heck of a good actress. today, miss begam was on high too. she asked me if i was going to run away when she saw my instrument. surpirisingly, she was blown away by the fact that i was playing the saxophone. cant help it. it just makes me sexy. but it takes time. heheh. oh yeah and the phototaking! i just know i look more spastic than i already am. sorry jiaxuan. i ruined your face by putting mine next to yours ^-^"" oh yes and er i will update my links. someday. sorry dudes!
